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Life Without Parole at 17

Four years have passed since my last breath of air as a free man. I was 17 at the time, confused at who I was and not knowing the consequences of what I wanted to be. I am 21 now, still young, but I have traveled a long heartbreaking road these past years. I am currently in a California State Prison, Level 4 - Maximum Security, the worst of the worst, serving a sentence of life without parole.

The road that got me here is my involvement with a gang. I thought I was bad and knew everything. But little did I know that I was digging my own grave deeper till one day I never made it home and found myself being booked for murder. Only 17 years old, barely beginning life and never again will I see a sun set or smell the fresh tortillas being made. All this for a gang, for the people that we call homeboys. I've heard from a few over the years but that's about it.

I went through the court process and got tried as an adult. A minor being thrown to the sharks is what it is. From there, I got transferred to a different housing facility until I turned of age and got moved to the county jail with the big boys. And what a welcoming I got from the guards as well as the inmates, a baby-faced plump kid walking amongst grown men. What an 18th birthday I had! I spent about two years there until I was found guilty and sentenced and shipped to prison.

During this whole time, from juvenile hall till now, there doesn't go a day that I don't regret not listening to my family - all the heartache and pain I've caused them. It hurts inside so much when I look my precious mother in the eyes at visiting. She's all I got and I care for as well as the rest of my family.

The things that go on in places like where I am at are not fun at all. This place will make you or break you. There's real gangsters walking the yard here and at a snap of a finger they will stab you if told to do so or disrespected in any way. There's stabbing, mini-riots and full-blown riots where people are dropping left and right as the gunner in the tower picks them off. This is the kind of place I live in, not against my own will but because I wanted to be someone out there and prove to everyone that "I am down; I am bad; I am a gangster." What was I thinking?... This is no life and I don't wish it upon anybody.

sent in by mzxplayful