Abusive Relationships are serious and need to be taken seriously. If you are in a realtionship or know someone who is please contact someone who can help. Gangstyle's has many girls who have been in this situation and are willing to help anyone who is having a hard time dealing with or trying to get out of an abusive relationship. Mo Matik provides the information for this page. We thank her for her efforts and her commitment to helping others.
Robin Givens/ Mike Tyson's Ex,Part 1 Domestic Violence Story
Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.
Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:
Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
Does not want you to work.
Controls finances or refuses to share money.
Punishes you by withholding affection.
Expects you to ask permission.
Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
Humiliates you in any way.
You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
Hurt your children.
Used physical force in sexual situations.
You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
Held you down during sex.
Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
If you answered 'yes' to these questions you may be in an abusive relationship; please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or your local domestic violence center to talk with someone about it.
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"this is definitely sumthin that needs to be said, talked about, and a place where girls can relate to each other and talk about it.. sum place where they no longer feel isolated and alone, becuz THEY AREN"T! I wish the problem wasn't SOOOO big but it is, and I and others prolly couldn't even start to count the gurls at this site who this has happened to, wit me included..." lil'mac
How is your relationship?
Does your partner:
Embarrass you with put-downs?
Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?
Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?
Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?
Make all of the decisions?
Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
Prevent you from working or attending school?
Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?
Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?
Force you to try and drop charges?
Threaten to commit suicide?
Threaten to kill you?
If you answered 'yes' to even one of these questions,
you may be in an abusive relationship.
For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.
These safety suggestions have been compiled from safety plans distributed by state domestic violence coalitions from around the country. Following these suggestions is not a guarantee of safety, but could help to improve your safety situation.
Personal Safety with an Abuser
Identify your partner's use and level of force so that you can assess danger to you and your children before it occurs.
Try to avoid an abusive situation by leaving.
Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways to escape. If arguments occur, try to move to those areas.
Don't run to where the children are, as your partner may hurt them as well.
If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a small target; dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined.
If possible, have a phone accessible at all times and know what numbers to call for help. Know where the nearest pay phone is located. Know the phone number to your local battered women's shelter. Don't be afraid to call the police.
Let trusted friends and neighbors know of your situation and develop a plan and visual signal for when you need help.
Teach your children how to get help. Instruct them not to get involved in the violence between you and your partner. Plan a code word to signal to them that they should get help or leave the house.
Tell your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is being violent. Tell them that neither you, nor they, are at fault or are the cause of the violence, and that when anyone is being violent, it is important to stay safe.
Practice how to get out safely. Practice with your children.
Plan for what you will do if your children tell your partner of your plan or if your partner otherwise finds out about your plan.
Keep weapons like guns and knives locked away and as inaccessible as possible.
Make a habit of backing the car into the driveway and keeping it fueled. Keep the driver's door unlocked and others locked -- for a quick escape.
Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that could be used to strangle you.
Create several plausible reasons for leaving the house at different times of the day or night.
Call a domestic violence hotline periodically to assess your options and get a supportive understanding ear.
Getting Ready to Leave
Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures.
Know where you can go to get help; tell someone what is happening to you.
If you are injured, go to a doctor or an emergency room and report what happened to you. Ask that they document your visit.
Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them, like a room with a lock or a friend's house where they can go for help. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.
Contact your local battered women's shelter and find out about laws and other resources available to you before you have to use them during a crisis.
Keep a journal of all violent incidences, noting dates, events and threats made, if possible.
Acquire job skills or take courses at a community college as you can.
Try to set money aside or ask friends or family members to hold money for you.
General Guidelines for Leaving an Abusive Relationship
You may request a police stand-by or escort while you leave.
If you need to sneak away, be prepared.
Make a plan for how and where you will escape.
Plan for a quick escape.
Put aside emergency money as you can.
Hide an extra set of car keys.
Pack an extra set of clothes for yourself and your children and store them at a trusted friend or neighbor's house. Try to avoid using the homes of next-door neighbors, close family members and mutual friends.
Take with you important phone numbers of friends, relatives, doctors, schools, etc., as well as other important items, including:
Driver's license
Regularly needed medication
Credit cards or a list of credit cards you hold yourself or jointly
Pay stubs
Checkbooks and information about bank accounts and other assets
If time is available, also take:
Citizenship documents (such as your passport, green card, etc.)
Titles, deeds and other property information
Medical records
Children's school and immunization records
Insurance information
Copy of marriage license, birth certificates, will and other legal documents
Verification of social security numbers
Welfare identification
Valued pictures, jewelry or personal possessions
You may also create a false trail. Call motels, real estate agencies and schools in a town at least six hours away from where you plan to relocate. Ask questions that require a call back to your house in order to leave phone numbers on record.
After Leaving the Abusive Relationship
If getting a restraining order and the offender is leaving:
Change your locks and phone number.
Change your work hours and route taken to work.
Change the route taken to transport children to school.
Keep a certified copy of your restraining order with you at all times.
Inform friends, neighbors and employers that you have a restraining order in effect.
Give copies of the restraining order to employers, neighbors and schools along with a picture of the offender.
Call law enforcement to enforce the order.
If you leave:
Consider renting a post office box or using the address of a friend for your mail.
Be aware that addresses are on restraining orders and police reports.
Be careful to whom you give your new address and phone number.
Change your work hours, if possible.
Alert school authorities of the situation.
Consider changing your children's schools.
Reschedule appointments that the offender is aware of.
Use different stores and frequent different social spots.
Alert neighbors and request that they call the police if they feel you may be in danger.
Talk to trusted people about the violence.
Replace wooden doors with steel or metal doors. Install security systems if possible.
Install a motion sensitive lighting system.
Tell people you work with about the situation and have your calls screened by one receptionist if possible.
Tell people who take care of your children who can pick up your children. Explain your situation to them and provide them with a copy of the restraining order.
Call the telephone company to request caller ID. Ask that your phone number be blocked so that if you call anyone, neither your partner nor anyone else will be able to get your new, unlisted phone number.
The Pain from someone you love by MoMatik
The pain from someone you love,
The bruises from being beat and brutally shoved.
The words this man says I cant take much more,
The red swollen eyes from my tears and my heart that he tore.
The anger and rage that he gets every night,
The drunken arguments he has that end up into fights.
I thought he loved me but I guess I am wrong,
I don't see him all day but with him the nights seem so long.
When he would hit me I thought it was my fault,
I never looked at it like it was assault.
I thought I deserved it because I didn't obey,
My friends thought I was crazy because I let him control me this way.
His fist 2 my face is all that I can see,
I am just waiting for the day when he will finish me.
When he sobers up he tells me he is sorry and wants another try,
But in my heart I want this to end, but I can't say goodbye.
How do I get out, what should I do?
I hate you, I love you, in my heart I don't know what is true.
Friends keep telling me to get away,
but me being in love I decide to stay.
I lie to others when they see bruises on me,
They don't understand, they don't know what they see.
But one day he got real angry and lost his head,
The next thing I knew my friends were visiting me in a hospital bed.
I never thought it would get to this,
I look at my body and see a slash on my wrist,
He was sitting next to me telling I did it.
He said I got real depressed after we got lit.
I don't remember a thing and I don't know whom to believe,
I was never suicidal so how was this from me.
Now I'm thinking as I lay in bed,
I need to get away from him and listen to what my friends said.
The next morning I remember having this dream,
I remember waking up in the middle of the night with a terrifying scream.
He killed my last night in the dream I had,
I realized if I kept with him this is how the story would end, now isn't this so sad.
Do I have any hope left by MoMatik
I know i have to leave but damn its harder then u think,
No shit it hurts when every night im cut up with eyes he turned pink.
You think i want this life, shit u think this is what i had planned,
Yes i want to to get out, and to him finally take a stand.
But damn there is so much there, more than you know,
How about the fact i feel like im worth nothing, my self esteem is that low.
Or how about the fact im scared if i leave he will kill me,
Can you understand those facts sis, do u think you can feel me?
Or how about its been over 5 years and that is all i know,
That is hard to pick up and walk away from, its hard to say goodbye and go.
Maybe if i was smarter i wouldnt be here talking about 5 years,
But this runs in the family, my dad did the same always giving my mom the same fears.
He broke me down so bad, made me feel like im a piece of shit,
telling me no one else would ever want me, and that all i deserve was to b hit.
You know whats even worse, when your friends take his side,
Thought you had them there for you, in them you would always confide.
But they would turn their cheek when they would see my eye black,
Then when i would tell them what happened they would turn their back.
Telling me to buck up and take it, shit its not that bad,
Thought in life i would be happy when thoughts of death is what i had.
Wishing and praying everytime he strikes he would just turn out my lights,
Cuz living a life like this isnt worth it, trapped and abused having no rights.
I dont know what to do as i sit here with my knife,
Ready to cut vertically, this isnt the way someone should live their life.
When im not with him damn its just as fucking bad,
Got flashbacks, i get the shakes, fuck im going mentally madd.
Cant date anyone else i am simply afraid of men,
I cant even get close to them, not even as a friend.
The thought of being intimate puts fear in my eyes,
trying to act on it, damn a panic attack is sure to arise.
Im just mentally deranged and i feel that nothing is worth while,
People around always wondering why for this long they havent seen me smile.
I dont know what to do so i finally reached out to you,
But i think its too late, my spirits too low, i think my time is overdue. Desire by MoMatik
Bruises on my back from being pushed against the car,
He put a knife against my neck, i cant believe he took it that far.
He had me by my arm, his grip was so tight,
I was moving around, i was trying to put up a fight.
cuts on my neck for that knife u held so softly on my skin,
At the time I wasnt scared, my face was covered with a large grin.
But he was too strong, i mean i really felt the cold in his touch,
He said he wanted to take me to my grave, and that he hated me that much.
He said if he couldnt have me then no one else will,
He said his feelings were so strong, for love he would kill.
But this love was forbidden, this love was untrue,
A love full of lies and deceit, a love full of pain I endured from you.
Now for you to take it this far, it blows my mind,
You have been pushing that envelope but now u have crossed the line.
I cant be with you, i will never again be your slave,
My pride has come back, and for you YES I AM TO BRAVE!
Stalk me all you want, kill me if you that is what you want,
because i have lost sight of you, never again my dreams you will haunt.
You will never have me, no matter what you try and do,
I am not afraid, I wont even try and hide anymore from you.
If you take my life then guess what I still wont be yours,
I will b gone forever, so get someone else to beat, rape, and do all of ur chores.
This is goodbye cuz forever your heart burns in my fire,
You will burn alilve one day, cuz just like the devil you couldnt control ur desire.
Prisoner In Love by Lil Mac
Theres a look in her eyes
as she tries to cover behind his lies
Theres a look on her face
that her mama can't even recognize
Theres a fear in her walk
that even her family has to stop
and merely watch
they watch her pass
yet can't reach her at all
they kno shes out of reach,
no longer stands tall
hes beaten her down
slowly at first
step by step
it only got worse
now, she hides her face
and wont answer her calls
refuses to leave the house at all
shes a prisoner in love
a prisoner of her heart
for if she could leave it
She would have a brand new start
but she loves him too much
to walk away
been belittled so much,
she thinks she has to stay
she thinks there is no other way
for her heart has taken over her mind
and the man she loves
has beaten her blind
time after time
when its all over she hears the same lines
"Im sorry baby, remember next time
dont piss me off, dont get out of line"
she shakes her head and agrees
if only he could see
hes killed her inside and out
and the next time
there wont be a way out
shes a prisoner of her own heart
if she could disown it,
She would have a brand new start
the beatings continue on and on
she apologizes and then hes gone
out wit his next girl of the day
comes back only to make it worse
ambulances, and hospitals
she continues to hurt
Theres a look in her eyes
as she still tries to hide his lies
Theres a look on her face
that her mama can't even recognize
hes beaten her black and blue
time and time again
he wont stop the pain
he wont stop the abuse
in the end the only thing that stops
is her heart,
its the final cure
to a prisoner in love
for now she is free & flys up above
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"Sorrow never spoken is the heaviest load to bear." Farook Sheikh
