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Domestic Violence and Gang Members

Domestic Violence and Gang Members: Get hep or tell your story

Abusive Relationships are serious and need to be taken seriously. If you are in a realtionship or know someone who is please contact someone who can help. Gangstyle's has many girls who have been in this situation and are willing to help anyone who is having a hard time dealing with or trying to get out of an abusive relationship. Mo Matik provides the information for this page. We thank her for her efforts and her commitment to helping others.

Robin Givens/ Mike Tyson's Ex,Part 1 Domestic Violence Story

Robin Givens/ Mike Tyson's Ex,Part 1 Domestic Violence Story

For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

You Are Not Alone

On the average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day.

• 85-95% of all domestic violence victims are female.
• Over 500,00 women are stalked by an intimate partner each year.
• 5.3 million women are abused each year.
• 1,232 women are killed each year by an intimate partner.
• Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women.
• Women are more likely to be attacked by someone they know rather than by a stranger.

Info provided from: http://www.aidv-usa.com/Statistics.htm

What is Domestic Violence?

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner:

• Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you.
• Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive.
• Tries to isolate you from family or friends.
• Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with.
• Does not want you to work.
• Controls finances or refuses to share money.
• Punishes you by withholding affection.
• Expects you to ask permission.
• Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets.
• Humiliates you in any way.

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:

• Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
• Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
• Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
• Scared you by driving recklessly.
• Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
• Forced you to leave your home.
• Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
• Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
• Hurt your children.
• Used physical force in sexual situations.
  

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:

• Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
• Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
• Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
• Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
• Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
• Held you down during sex.
• Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
• Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
• Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
• Ignored your feelings regarding sex.

If you answered 'yes' to these questions you may be in an abusive relationship; please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or your local domestic violence center to talk with someone about it.

 

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"this is definitely sumthin that needs to be said, talked about, and a place where girls can relate to each other and talk about it.. sum place where they no longer feel isolated and alone, becuz THEY AREN"T! I wish the problem wasn't SOOOO big but it is, and I and others prolly couldn't even start to count the gurls at this site who this has happened to, wit me included..." lil'mac

How is your relationship?

Does your partner:

• Embarrass you with put-downs?

• Look at you or act in ways that scare you?

• Control what you do, who you see or talk to or where you go?

• Stop you from seeing your friends or family members?

• Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money or refuse to give you money?

• Make all of the decisions?

• Tell you that you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?

• Prevent you from working or attending school?

• Act like the abuse is no big deal, it’s your fault, or even deny doing it?

• Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?

• Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?

• Shove you, slap you, choke you, or hit you?

• Force you to try and drop charges?

• Threaten to commit suicide?

• Threaten to kill you?

If you answered 'yes' to even one of these questions,
you may be in an abusive relationship.

For support and more information please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or at TTY 1-800-787-3224.

Safety Plan Guidelines

• Personal Safety with an Abuser
• Getting Ready to Leave
• General Guidelines for Leaving an Abusive Relationship
• After Leaving the Abusive Relationship
• For a Printable Personal Safety Plan Click Here

These safety suggestions have been compiled from safety plans distributed by state domestic violence coalitions from around the country. Following these suggestions is not a guarantee of safety, but could help to improve your safety situation.

Personal Safety with an Abuser

• Identify your partner's use and level of force so that you can assess danger to you and your children before it occurs.
• Try to avoid an abusive situation by leaving.
• Identify safe areas of the house where there are no weapons and there are ways to escape. If arguments occur, try to move to those areas.
• Don't run to where the children are, as your partner may hurt them as well.
• If violence is unavoidable, make yourself a small target; dive into a corner and curl up into a ball with your face protected and arms around each side of your head, fingers entwined.
• If possible, have a phone accessible at all times and know what numbers to call for help. Know where the nearest pay phone is located. Know the phone number to your local battered women's shelter. Don't be afraid to call the police.
• Let trusted friends and neighbors know of your situation and develop a plan and visual signal for when you need help.
• Teach your children how to get help. Instruct them not to get involved in the violence between you and your partner. Plan a code word to signal to them that they should get help or leave the house.
• Tell your children that violence is never right, even when someone they love is being violent. Tell them that neither you, nor they, are at fault or are the cause of the violence, and that when anyone is being violent, it is important to stay safe.
• Practice how to get out safely. Practice with your children.
• Plan for what you will do if your children tell your partner of your plan or if your partner otherwise finds out about your plan.
• Keep weapons like guns and knives locked away and as inaccessible as possible.
• Make a habit of backing the car into the driveway and keeping it fueled. Keep the driver's door unlocked and others locked -- for a quick escape.
• Try not to wear scarves or long jewelry that could be used to strangle you.
• Create several plausible reasons for leaving the house at different times of the day or night.
• Call a domestic violence hotline periodically to assess your options and get a supportive understanding ear.

Getting Ready to Leave

• Keep any evidence of physical abuse, such as pictures.
• Know where you can go to get help; tell someone what is happening to you.
• If you are injured, go to a doctor or an emergency room and report what happened to you. Ask that they document your visit.
• Plan with your children and identify a safe place for them, like a room with a lock or a friend's house where they can go for help. Reassure them that their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.
• Contact your local battered women's shelter and find out about laws and other resources available to you before you have to use them during a crisis.
• Keep a journal of all violent incidences, noting dates, events and threats made, if possible.
• Acquire job skills or take courses at a community college as you can.
• Try to set money aside or ask friends or family members to hold money for you.

General Guidelines for Leaving an Abusive Relationship

• You may request a police stand-by or escort while you leave.
• If you need to sneak away, be prepared.
• Make a plan for how and where you will escape.
• Plan for a quick escape.
• Put aside emergency money as you can.
• Hide an extra set of car keys.
• Pack an extra set of clothes for yourself and your children and store them at a trusted friend or neighbor's house. Try to avoid using the homes of next-door neighbors, close family members and mutual friends.
• Take with you important phone numbers of friends, relatives, doctors, schools, etc., as well as other important items, including:
  
  • Driver's license
  • Regularly needed medication
  • Credit cards or a list of credit cards you hold yourself or jointly
  • Pay stubs
  • Checkbooks and information about bank accounts and other assets
    
• If time is available, also take:
  
  • Citizenship documents (such as your passport, green card, etc.)
  • Titles, deeds and other property information
  • Medical records
  • Children's school and immunization records
  • Insurance information
  • Copy of marriage license, birth certificates, will and other legal documents
  • Verification of social security numbers
  • Welfare identification
  • Valued pictures, jewelry or personal possessions
    
  You may also create a false trail. Call motels, real estate agencies and schools in a town at least six hours away from where you plan to relocate. Ask questions that require a call back to your house in order to leave phone numbers on record.

After Leaving the Abusive Relationship

If getting a restraining order and the offender is leaving:

• Change your locks and phone number.
• Change your work hours and route taken to work.
• Change the route taken to transport children to school.
• Keep a certified copy of your restraining order with you at all times.
• Inform friends, neighbors and employers that you have a restraining order in effect.
• Give copies of the restraining order to employers, neighbors and schools along with a picture of the offender.
• Call law enforcement to enforce the order.

If you leave:

• Consider renting a post office box or using the address of a friend for your mail.
• Be aware that addresses are on restraining orders and police reports.
• Be careful to whom you give your new address and phone number.
• Change your work hours, if possible.
• Alert school authorities of the situation.
• Consider changing your children's schools.
• Reschedule appointments that the offender is aware of.
• Use different stores and frequent different social spots.
• Alert neighbors and request that they call the police if they feel you may be in danger.
• Talk to trusted people about the violence.
• Replace wooden doors with steel or metal doors. Install security systems if possible.
• Install a motion sensitive lighting system.
• Tell people you work with about the situation and have your calls screened by one receptionist if possible.
• Tell people who take care of your children who can pick up your children. Explain your situation to them and provide them with a copy of the restraining order.
• Call the telephone company to request caller ID. Ask that your phone number be blocked so that if you call anyone, neither your partner nor anyone else will be able to get your new, unlisted phone number.

All rights reserved.
Copyright © 1998 by the National Center for Victims of Crime. This information may be freely distributed, provided that it is distributed free of charge, in its entirety and includes this copyright notice.

Domestic Violence Poetry

Do I have any hope left by MoMatik