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Blue Sunshine I've been thru almost everythang that u could think of that causes pain. MY parents are junkies (well ma been clean couple years since they split)at 13 i chose to live with my father in NC becuz i did not want to be in MD with my mom who was so strict on her oldest and only daughter. Well he had no house for me to stay in so he just left me with my 23 year old boyfriend at his parents house where i lived for a year. Big mistake i didnt go to school becuz we were scared sumone would figure out that i was living with my way to old man ( 1st boyfriend ever) and get us in trouble wid tha man. Well I was always gettin beat on and guns pulled on me he had bought me a gun but as soon as he figured out i was good with it he got rid of it in fear of his life. Me not knowing that in reality he sold it for his cracc habit that i did not know he had and had stole and sold everythang valuble that I owned for. Well I got kicced out his house for callin tha boyz when i got fend up wid his ass talkin bout killin himself and me. So we got a crib and i ended up wid my body print in a wall and my dad had finally got a house so i went to my so called home. well as always he aint keep tha house long. ( i went 2 bout 50 different schools and neva went past 8th grade)He got another house sum time between homes. We kinda adopted a boy i had met a while bacc from from cali he was crip and we clicced we made my peeps get a crib i got jumped into 360 east coast gangsta crips. he was 21st hoover in cali n started his own shit in NC. I was tha only female so far and crazy as hell. Its sad to say but even tho I kno now it aint right then that was tha happyist i had eva been but OG Angel aka Dj began to fall in luv with me and i did tha same but i refused i refused to admit to luvin anythang other then tha game. About a year after joining goin from what was only a 5-7 PPL set it was now a 50 deep set ran mostly by me and DJ i was his heart.Then one day he was gone never 2 be seen again all he left was tha blue flag he always wore that he had took off his cuzins head when he got shot in front of him tha day he joined when he was 8. I was so lost,tha set fell apart so did my house of course we had moved again had no lights. I got raped by 1 tha hustlas my dad coped from. My stepmom was pregneat still smokin cracc. she had tha baby social services were all ova her cuz baby had coke in its system. I left home hit tha streets hangin out all nite at tha bars downtown only 15 sittin chillin buying drinks, I'd sleep only when I could come down off all tha powder and E pills and drinks long enuff to find a place 2 sleep peacefully, most time i stayed at one of the liquor houses but they were gettin fed up really so Lala a 40oz girl hollered at me to come stay wid them ( they is tha most respected females in tha side of tha game they in) and i did and i was broke so they put me d with their hustle and it was one i refused to do 4 a while anyway but once u go hungry and aint got no clothes etc etc etc u'll do anythang to get sum fresh gear and a full stomach so i gave in havin no where else to go well i ended basically being raped by 2 niccaz 2 different times ( my 1st times triccin) and not gettin shit see I knew nothing about doin this it wasnt neva a thought in my mind ya kno i knew how to robbed and kill and to sell drugs but not myself. Well damn if i aint learn quicc. So being young and most beautiful i was a money making bitch only really doin anythang with tha men bout 8 of tha twenty times i got in a car with one. I had sum dough. I was high priced. If I was just in tha club and u carried a 10min convo u was givin my $50 for my time.Well it got out and one my old friends called my g-ma and told her i was in trouble call tha police and i got picced up and took home next day i was on a train to MD. and i started my new life. See after seeing so much nothing hurts anymore u are so numb to everythang u cant luv anythang not even urself and death is not a fear or it doesnt hurt u neva grieve.Living in md everythang was so easy ma took care of everythang. Since i been bacc here I lost a lil soulja to a so called friend for no reason he shot him for nothing ....well now that its after 12 april 2 today would have been jordan aka ghettys 16th birthday if he was still with us, and for tha 1st time in a long time i felt pain and i opened my eyes to alot of thangs. when i 1st moved bacc 2 years ago I wouldnt have anythang to do with any of tha guys up here, until i met "2" (duece) and i was hooked midnight dark skin tall from atl and as gangsta as they come well he a ho and i been jumped by jealous bitches i cut 3 of them but they fucced me up. i fought bout 3 more times cuz of him and jealousy. But sum how we keep commin bacc together we still chill,even tho i got a boyfriend now, we known each other a year. Ya kno I thought i couldnt feel anymore but i was wrong as soon as i got away from all tha pain that lil ol wilson NC brings,my feelings came bacc i cried when we lost ghetty and Now I'm in luv....but why ...why did it have 2 be "2" i fell in luv with why tha one i can have as my own why now that thangs hurt this happens. Its almost like I was ment to hurt maybe its to help others, jah knos i hope theres a good reason.Why have i lost everythang even my pride,it hurts so much inside,anyone can see tha pain in my eyes............I'll neva fall in luv again becuz tha one i kno i truly luv only wants to be my friend. Sunny |