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My Lyfe, The Lyfe by Smily No More I grew up the sister of Gs. Wanted to prove my loyalty and strength to my family so I forced myself to become one. Started seeing a monster in the mirror- so I stopped looking in the mirror. I still saw my reflection in the eyes of others- I couldn't wipe the fear out of their eyes and I couldn't stop caring. So I did drugs- and I didn't feel anything. My brothers fell or went to prison. I followed my brother to jail and my brothers followed me. I left without my soul. I fell in love with a G, I married a G. I found my soul in him. He loved me because he couldn't see the monster. He was too used to seeing his in the mirror and it was decorated in the jewels of a King. And we lived like a King and Queen. I fear having a child who will grow up in our Family. I don't want him to see blood and death. I don't want his family to be monsters and measure his worth by his acts of loyalty. I married a killer. I cannot hide the things I have done. I can cover the tattoos and most of the scars but they are always there. What do I tell my son or daughter? They'll be born into a trap. Pray for our children because maybe no one had prayed for me. I still hate looking in the mirror but I don't hide anymore. First I was the sister of Gs, Now I am the wife of a G, Will I become the mother of a G and learn only more sorrow? Must I live through the pain of burying my family and then riding on their murderers. I have no choice and I cannot escape- I am still loyal to my Family- the ones I grew up with. The ones that fed me when I was hungry, gave me all my clothes, held me when I was bruised and broken, and protected me as they could. I know I will become the Mother of many Gs to come. I will give them all the comfort and food and home I can like they had done for me. As my husband leads them in a hell we have helped create. Some one pray for us. I pray for forgiveness everyday. I pray for the future victims and the future killers. God, do you hear our cries? |